Okay, let's begin this with a sigh....breathe with me...
Thrilling doesn't begin to cover it. I am overwhelmed, in a good way. I have only had my job for 8 months and am shocked to sit down and realize all that has been done. It doesn't work on paper...and by that I mean, it shouldn't have happened, but it did and it continues. I have paid off $7000 in debt in a little over a year! WOAH! I said it! UH-mazing! This time next year, I anticipate being totally debt free...and yes, I will scream at Dave Ramsey when it happens. well, not 'at' him, but surely on his radio show!!! maybe he will remember me from 2 years ago...single mom, totally engulfed in debt and not an idea of how to get out...AND now. yeah, I am pretty excited!
now, let's share my little goal reached! I purchased a new pair of glasses 3 weeks ago...paid in cash!! I saved up for them and I bought the ones I wanted! ALSO, I did it without vision insurance! I said it...
I still have a ways to go...childcare is inevitable for at least 2 more years; when JP is in school it will be like getting a raise.
I am slowly learning to count my blessings everyday...to make goals (reachable ones) and mark them off! off we go...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Paint on...
This past year has been hard, very hard. I have fought and kicked and even screamed at God because of my life. Angry to be exact. Mainly angry with myself. Angry that I allowed myself to get here.
Let me clarify. Ten years ago, I had it together, I was working and earning GREAT money and was planning on buying me a great car. I did buy it, a beautiful black 2000 Celica. Oh, she was so lovely. I adored that car! And it was ALL mine...well, I was making the payments on it. I was skinny and taking great care of myself. I LOVED life!
But for some reason I began to make the wrong decisions. I changed jobs and made some new friends, ones that I should have walked away from. I did, however, make some amazing friends whom I still adore. But I allowed the 'other' ones to impact my life in the wrong ways. I had always been so careful who I let into my life, but I have issue with control and pride. (yes, I am being VERY open here) And would never, ever let anyone tell me what to do. So, I continued to rebel. Don't get me wrong, I was still the 'good' girl because I would let myself rebel only so far (or so I thought). But anytime we go against the will of God, we are rebelling...there are no levels, it is just plain and simple.
I am responsible for my decisions in my life...it is a lesson that is taking me a long time to understand. I specifically use the word 'is' because it continues. That is the reason for my struggle with severe anger. Why did I let myself break God's plan? Why did I choose something different than His desires? Pride. Rebellion. Pure desire to control my own life.
I am capable of sharing all of this because I am experiencing freedom. God has forgiven me for my pride, for my rebellion...and I am working on forgiving myself. I have not doubted God's love for me...nor His faithfulness. He is who He says He is! My anger toward Him was because I wanted Him to step in and make me do the right thing and He didn't. He is a gentleman and I am not a robot for Him to control.
Freewill. He allowed me to make those decisions in my life and He is more than capable of making my life beautiful inspite of them. BUT, I must let Him create in me a new canvas. Being still is NOT easy.
In the words of Dr. Phil, "How's that working out for ya?"! HA. true, true, very true! IT ISN'T!
that is where my freedom and complete redemption flows...God being in control. I love life and yet, it isn't mine. If I am to be the lady that He designed, I must realize that it is NOT too late and I must resign my rights. He is NOT my co-pilot...I am the passenger and He flies solo!
from this point on, I am real, I am free and I am indeed a new creation that is being designed with His paint brush. Paint on, Jesus, paint on!
the funeral business...
As most of you know, I work at a funeral home here in Fayetteville. I am going to clear up any confusion about my occupation of choice - well, gift.
I started this job eight months ago and it has been a whirl wind ever since. I never imagined setting foot into a funeral home by choice, much less laughing while I am there. Thankful isn't quite the word to describe my expression for my job...I think 'blessed' is more accurate. It has been a hard job because it is unlike anything I have every done in my life...ever. And it has taken a long time to become familiar with how a funeral home functions.
A typical day consists of writing obituaries, filling out death certificates, calling doctors that still need to sign a death certificate, printing memorial folders, a lot of typing on yes, a typewriter, spending a lot of time on the phone answering questions about service times, and accepting payments for services.
It can definitely be a sad job at times...especially when children or young people have passed away. However, I have begun to take pride in my humble position of being able to take care of specifialy needed things that the family shouldn't have to think on further.
Yes, there are days that I have cried. A specifically sad day was when a little baby had died from the very same illness that doctors said would take Caleb's life. Tears and a sigh of gratefulness filled my heart, knowing that my Caleb is almost 5 years old and healthy.
One main question that I get is, "how can you work in a funeral home, knowing that there are dead (whispered) people there?" Honestly, i think that knowing death isn't the finale; knowing there is truly life after death is an amazing comfort. When I see anyone that has passed (and I don't see them much since I work in the office) I know that the person that was so loved by their family is no longer there, this is only their vessel.
The most grateful thing is that I can take care of my kids more and more financially. I DO miss being at home with them...it is hard seeing them only for a few hours everyday, but I do what I have to do - for them. It is all for them...as a parent, we often do things that are difficult knowing that the end result is far better than the discomfort of the situation. It is called sacrifice. My job is a job, but it is also a true gift. One gift that I am so very thankful to have, even on the hard days, I am thankful.
I started this job eight months ago and it has been a whirl wind ever since. I never imagined setting foot into a funeral home by choice, much less laughing while I am there. Thankful isn't quite the word to describe my expression for my job...I think 'blessed' is more accurate. It has been a hard job because it is unlike anything I have every done in my life...ever. And it has taken a long time to become familiar with how a funeral home functions.
A typical day consists of writing obituaries, filling out death certificates, calling doctors that still need to sign a death certificate, printing memorial folders, a lot of typing on yes, a typewriter, spending a lot of time on the phone answering questions about service times, and accepting payments for services.
It can definitely be a sad job at times...especially when children or young people have passed away. However, I have begun to take pride in my humble position of being able to take care of specifialy needed things that the family shouldn't have to think on further.
Yes, there are days that I have cried. A specifically sad day was when a little baby had died from the very same illness that doctors said would take Caleb's life. Tears and a sigh of gratefulness filled my heart, knowing that my Caleb is almost 5 years old and healthy.
One main question that I get is, "how can you work in a funeral home, knowing that there are dead (whispered) people there?" Honestly, i think that knowing death isn't the finale; knowing there is truly life after death is an amazing comfort. When I see anyone that has passed (and I don't see them much since I work in the office) I know that the person that was so loved by their family is no longer there, this is only their vessel.
The most grateful thing is that I can take care of my kids more and more financially. I DO miss being at home with them...it is hard seeing them only for a few hours everyday, but I do what I have to do - for them. It is all for them...as a parent, we often do things that are difficult knowing that the end result is far better than the discomfort of the situation. It is called sacrifice. My job is a job, but it is also a true gift. One gift that I am so very thankful to have, even on the hard days, I am thankful.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Random pictures
Easter Sunday
the family after church
yes, we all matched, and isn't it perfect!!??
yes, we all matched, and isn't it perfect!!??
Harleigh and "Gabriella"
getting ready to color eggs
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