Butterfly wings...

Do you ever feel caught in the middle of the world you wish you inhabited and the world that has swallowed your breath? Right now, that is my existence, but was given a kiss on the cheek by my God yesterday...
Setting out to bless a family should be a joyous experience, however, I was terrified to be doing this. Some of the greatest people I know put together a 'feast delivery' for a family in need and I was bringing them ingredients for (what I hear to be) a very delicious punch. My stomach ached for the butterflies were crowded. More time than not, over the last several years, my children and I had been on the other end...the receivers of the baskets...the receivers of the groceries and overwhelming gracious love.
I have prayed so very long to one day be on the other side, the deliverer of the basket...so, why was my heart pacing, why was I so scared. I was facing pain not yet healed. It was a little blessing to actually not know to whom we were delivering, until half way down the road (while walking)...couldn't turn around and run (however, my heart beat to disappear).
She has lived similar pain, similar devastation...she is a single mom, too. I wasn't ready for this, but for some reason God led me to this place. Surrounded by friends, of whom have hearts of pure gold, I kept walking. Indians, pilgrims and I (your thanksgiving seasoning, salt and pepper)...we walked toward their door, and they were ready. She opened not only her door, but her heart. She was pure 'joy', pure presence of the LORD...and I was so scared. Having been hurt by Christians so much this past year, I found myself crouching down behind everyone not wanting to be involved.
I slowly melted and took a leap...I spoke to her. We immediately bonded and hugged with tears filling our eyes. Our hearts were joined as we both shared our stories - we shared pain and frustration...though, she continued in strength and steadfast faith. I have wavered and struggled. This is a lady that I want to know, to listen to her heart, to share a cup of coffee and just 'be' in her presence. For what seemed like forever, we talked about our children, our lives and just how much we have in common. I look forward to our next 'talk', very soon.
Being thankful for butterflies that do indeed have wings...that is my thanksgiving joy. I am not alone, and the fear that so often seems to reside in my stomach, flew away last night...
I took a step forward in this life, toward a world of peace and joy...it still seems distant, but with family and friends that light the midnight sky, I am closer than the day before.