I am pushing forward in the venture to lose weight. I have lost a total of 40 pounds in the last year and continue onward.
February is the goal to lost 25-30 more...Can I do it? we shall see, all of us...whatever the result, it will be posted in picture form. A picture of me in my bathing suit, yep, still on...
I have lost 7 pounds since starting 6 weeks ago...very hard to lose weight, but I have to say that the weight doesn't come off as quickly as the 'sizes'. I went clothes shopping this weekend and am truely smaller...the size I was wearing 6 weeks ago, only fits in pants...shirts are too big, and skirts didn't fit right. FLIPPING FANATSTIC!!
Onward I go, to the skinny lady hiding inside....
Monday, November 24, 2008
Butterfly wings...
Do you ever feel caught in the middle of the world you wish you inhabited and the world that has swallowed your breath? Right now, that is my existence, but was given a kiss on the cheek by my God yesterday...
Setting out to bless a family should be a joyous experience, however, I was terrified to be doing this. Some of the greatest people I know put together a 'feast delivery' for a family in need and I was bringing them ingredients for (what I hear to be) a very delicious punch. My stomach ached for the butterflies were crowded. More time than not, over the last several years, my children and I had been on the other end...the receivers of the baskets...the receivers of the groceries and overwhelming gracious love.
I have prayed so very long to one day be on the other side, the deliverer of the basket...so, why was my heart pacing, why was I so scared. I was facing pain not yet healed. It was a little blessing to actually not know to whom we were delivering, until half way down the road (while walking)...couldn't turn around and run (however, my heart beat to disappear).
She has lived similar pain, similar devastation...she is a single mom, too. I wasn't ready for this, but for some reason God led me to this place. Surrounded by friends, of whom have hearts of pure gold, I kept walking. Indians, pilgrims and I (your thanksgiving seasoning, salt and pepper)...we walked toward their door, and they were ready. She opened not only her door, but her heart. She was pure 'joy', pure presence of the LORD...and I was so scared. Having been hurt by Christians so much this past year, I found myself crouching down behind everyone not wanting to be involved.
I slowly melted and took a leap...I spoke to her. We immediately bonded and hugged with tears filling our eyes. Our hearts were joined as we both shared our stories - we shared pain and frustration...though, she continued in strength and steadfast faith. I have wavered and struggled. This is a lady that I want to know, to listen to her heart, to share a cup of coffee and just 'be' in her presence. For what seemed like forever, we talked about our children, our lives and just how much we have in common. I look forward to our next 'talk', very soon.
Being thankful for butterflies that do indeed have wings...that is my thanksgiving joy. I am not alone, and the fear that so often seems to reside in my stomach, flew away last night...
I took a step forward in this life, toward a world of peace and joy...it still seems distant, but with family and friends that light the midnight sky, I am closer than the day before.
Setting out to bless a family should be a joyous experience, however, I was terrified to be doing this. Some of the greatest people I know put together a 'feast delivery' for a family in need and I was bringing them ingredients for (what I hear to be) a very delicious punch. My stomach ached for the butterflies were crowded. More time than not, over the last several years, my children and I had been on the other end...the receivers of the baskets...the receivers of the groceries and overwhelming gracious love.
I have prayed so very long to one day be on the other side, the deliverer of the basket...so, why was my heart pacing, why was I so scared. I was facing pain not yet healed. It was a little blessing to actually not know to whom we were delivering, until half way down the road (while walking)...couldn't turn around and run (however, my heart beat to disappear).
She has lived similar pain, similar devastation...she is a single mom, too. I wasn't ready for this, but for some reason God led me to this place. Surrounded by friends, of whom have hearts of pure gold, I kept walking. Indians, pilgrims and I (your thanksgiving seasoning, salt and pepper)...we walked toward their door, and they were ready. She opened not only her door, but her heart. She was pure 'joy', pure presence of the LORD...and I was so scared. Having been hurt by Christians so much this past year, I found myself crouching down behind everyone not wanting to be involved.
I slowly melted and took a leap...I spoke to her. We immediately bonded and hugged with tears filling our eyes. Our hearts were joined as we both shared our stories - we shared pain and frustration...though, she continued in strength and steadfast faith. I have wavered and struggled. This is a lady that I want to know, to listen to her heart, to share a cup of coffee and just 'be' in her presence. For what seemed like forever, we talked about our children, our lives and just how much we have in common. I look forward to our next 'talk', very soon.
Being thankful for butterflies that do indeed have wings...that is my thanksgiving joy. I am not alone, and the fear that so often seems to reside in my stomach, flew away last night...
I took a step forward in this life, toward a world of peace and joy...it still seems distant, but with family and friends that light the midnight sky, I am closer than the day before.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Harleigh Alexis Sutton
the 18 month old princess!
Little 2 year old
Blue Eyes Stinker Princess
Static Electricity meet Harleigh
Harleigh and her little doll - they love to dress alike!
Halloween 2007
Preschool Graduate 2007!!!
Harleigh (who was still 5)
THE DANCER!
ISN'T SHE STUNNING?!
THE DANCER!
ISN'T SHE STUNNING?!November 5, 2002, I began laboring to see my first child born. Twenty seven hours later, on November 6, 2002 at 451pm, Harleigh Alexis was born. She was perfect. Her hair a slight reddish blonde, crystal blue eyes and the lungs of a gorilla.
I opened my arms and wiped my eyes to welcome this precious princess into my life. Everything would change from this point on...and it has. I love her more than my heart could have ever comprehended. I adore her. I have uploaded some pictures of her, this brilliant independent child...who, by the way, can now tell you how old she is on TWO hands!!
A piece of my soap (box)
Recession....seriously?
I am about to my end with hearing this is a recession or even the beginning of one. COME ON, PEOPLE! Does anyone remember studying the Great Depression? I DO!
These people stood in line to buy bread - NOT A WII!
They didn't have credit cards they could no longer pay, they didn't have a mortgage on a house they couldn't afford and they sure didn't have a car that is in danger of repossession! They had REAL money - not loaned money!
Yes, I know that it is hard right now. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW! However, the majority of the United States is in trouble because of our own fault! We borrowed and begged for money and now we can't pay it back and are losing things we didn't really own. Just because you finance it and pay for it, doesn't mean it is YOURS!
I lost my house. My house was taken back because I couldn't afford it. I am not immune to this. I am not speaking out of place. I have a house that is under current foreclosure. But I am also not going to stand up and say that we are in a recession.
OH MY GOODNESS...really! I get so upset when thinking about this. We, as a country, are used to buying what we want when we want it...and now we can't!
I have one big bad word for you...BUDGET! OH NO, there I said it! USE IT! You work hard, or are supposed to, for your money, so make it work for you!
Come on, people! Get off your butts and work hard to keep what you have. Yes, our government made some bad decisions...but when has the government really had our best in mind? Really! think about it...hopefully you don't have too think hard.
If you are indeed working, then don't stop. Keep working and keep your money (if a certain person will let us, that is).
Next time you are in line to buy something other than milk and bread...be thankful! It could be A LOT worse!
I am about to my end with hearing this is a recession or even the beginning of one. COME ON, PEOPLE! Does anyone remember studying the Great Depression? I DO!
These people stood in line to buy bread - NOT A WII!
They didn't have credit cards they could no longer pay, they didn't have a mortgage on a house they couldn't afford and they sure didn't have a car that is in danger of repossession! They had REAL money - not loaned money!
Yes, I know that it is hard right now. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW! However, the majority of the United States is in trouble because of our own fault! We borrowed and begged for money and now we can't pay it back and are losing things we didn't really own. Just because you finance it and pay for it, doesn't mean it is YOURS!
I lost my house. My house was taken back because I couldn't afford it. I am not immune to this. I am not speaking out of place. I have a house that is under current foreclosure. But I am also not going to stand up and say that we are in a recession.
OH MY GOODNESS...really! I get so upset when thinking about this. We, as a country, are used to buying what we want when we want it...and now we can't!
I have one big bad word for you...BUDGET! OH NO, there I said it! USE IT! You work hard, or are supposed to, for your money, so make it work for you!
Come on, people! Get off your butts and work hard to keep what you have. Yes, our government made some bad decisions...but when has the government really had our best in mind? Really! think about it...hopefully you don't have too think hard.
If you are indeed working, then don't stop. Keep working and keep your money (if a certain person will let us, that is).
Next time you are in line to buy something other than milk and bread...be thankful! It could be A LOT worse!
Time to think...
Over the last several days, while getting reacquainted with my gag reflexes, I have had time to think about 'things'.
For many months I have tried to come to grips with my life and understanding what part God played in all of it. I mean, if I have free will and He is in control, then well, how does that work exactly?
The biggest problem in this scenario is that we (extremely addicted and controlling humans) try to do everything ourselves and then when it doesn't work out we tend to want to blame someone or something else ~ and that usually ends up being God.
God IS love and grace and mercy and yes, He is jealous of our time and devotion. He does not want 'bad' things to happen to us, His children, however when we are not following after Him then we are not under His complete care. Don't get me wrong, He doesn't remove His care...more like we walked out from under the umbrella. God doesn't move, WE do!
So when the rain is coming down in sheets or sprinkles, it is always best to check and see if we are indeed under HIS umbrella.
Now, let me say another thing. When 'bad' things happen, it isn't always our fault.
My aunt, my best friend, died 6 1/2 years ago. She was murdered. She did nothing wrong. My cousin did nothing wrong, yet she was laid to rest by her mother. I truly believe that God wept that day along with us. But as it says in Romans, "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, those who are called according to His purpose.". No where in there does it say according to 'our' purpose. We can't see the end result. I NEVER wanted my aunt to die, I still mourn her death. I loved her so very much, I can close my eyes and see her smile. But for a reason greater than my mind can comprehend, she is gone. God used her death and He didn't need permission to do so.
Questioning is never wrong. I questioned her death just like I question my current life. It is a right that we have as humans to ask questions and search for answers. God gave us a well oiled mind to fight for the truth and as the Bible also says, "truth will set you free". Sometimes finding the truth brings pain. Pain we never imagined was possible. I say this to restate that healing is a PROCESS.
The 'group' that I go to every week is bringing A LOT of pain. I am utterly exhausted from it. But in return, I am learning more about myself than I thought possible. It isn't me doing this. The Holy Spirit is working in me to heal my heart so I can be a better mom and just honestly, BE ABBY! What a concept - to be ME! I lost sight of who that person was and is...
As I draw closer...well, I smile...and hope to do so more!
For many months I have tried to come to grips with my life and understanding what part God played in all of it. I mean, if I have free will and He is in control, then well, how does that work exactly?
The biggest problem in this scenario is that we (extremely addicted and controlling humans) try to do everything ourselves and then when it doesn't work out we tend to want to blame someone or something else ~ and that usually ends up being God.
God IS love and grace and mercy and yes, He is jealous of our time and devotion. He does not want 'bad' things to happen to us, His children, however when we are not following after Him then we are not under His complete care. Don't get me wrong, He doesn't remove His care...more like we walked out from under the umbrella. God doesn't move, WE do!
So when the rain is coming down in sheets or sprinkles, it is always best to check and see if we are indeed under HIS umbrella.
Now, let me say another thing. When 'bad' things happen, it isn't always our fault.
My aunt, my best friend, died 6 1/2 years ago. She was murdered. She did nothing wrong. My cousin did nothing wrong, yet she was laid to rest by her mother. I truly believe that God wept that day along with us. But as it says in Romans, "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, those who are called according to His purpose.". No where in there does it say according to 'our' purpose. We can't see the end result. I NEVER wanted my aunt to die, I still mourn her death. I loved her so very much, I can close my eyes and see her smile. But for a reason greater than my mind can comprehend, she is gone. God used her death and He didn't need permission to do so.
Questioning is never wrong. I questioned her death just like I question my current life. It is a right that we have as humans to ask questions and search for answers. God gave us a well oiled mind to fight for the truth and as the Bible also says, "truth will set you free". Sometimes finding the truth brings pain. Pain we never imagined was possible. I say this to restate that healing is a PROCESS.
The 'group' that I go to every week is bringing A LOT of pain. I am utterly exhausted from it. But in return, I am learning more about myself than I thought possible. It isn't me doing this. The Holy Spirit is working in me to heal my heart so I can be a better mom and just honestly, BE ABBY! What a concept - to be ME! I lost sight of who that person was and is...
As I draw closer...well, I smile...and hope to do so more!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Obama or not...
I awoke this morning to find that 'change' is coming. To be honest, I am unsure about this change. Well, I will be more honest, I am scared of this 'change'. I don't trust this man to take care of our country, but I don't have a choice about that any longer.
I chose to vote for the lesser of two evils when I cast my vote. I wasn't anticipating greatness with either gentleman, however, one had to win the ballot.
My statement here, is that I will respect my new president, even though I didn't vote for him. I just ask that those who voted for him please remember that being an African American is not going to change this country, it must be from his character and his values. It is truly historic that Obama is our president, our first African American president, but we have to look past this and hope that his color is not the only reason he was elected. I pray that the change he is going to bring will take us to a stronger more dynamic future as an independent country. I hope that you pray along side me...for a real 'change'...a change of heart, toward unity.
I chose to vote for the lesser of two evils when I cast my vote. I wasn't anticipating greatness with either gentleman, however, one had to win the ballot.
My statement here, is that I will respect my new president, even though I didn't vote for him. I just ask that those who voted for him please remember that being an African American is not going to change this country, it must be from his character and his values. It is truly historic that Obama is our president, our first African American president, but we have to look past this and hope that his color is not the only reason he was elected. I pray that the change he is going to bring will take us to a stronger more dynamic future as an independent country. I hope that you pray along side me...for a real 'change'...a change of heart, toward unity.
Destinations...
Whether we realize it or not, we choose where we land.
For the last several months, I have been confused and frustrated about why my life turned out like this...If God is really in control, then why couldn't He protect me from myself? I saw the red flags, the warnings, the signs...whatever you want to call them, but "I" chose to ignore them and 'hope' for the best.
"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." Proverbs 27:12
I have never considered myself to be 'simple' but according to the Bible, I am indeed 'simple'. I set out on a path without a clear destination - relying on hope. My hope let me down because it wasn't grounded in truth or faith in the right foundation.
All the planning and preparation will not work unless we set out toward our particular destination. Without realizing it, I was, 8 years ago, setting out to be a single mom of three beautiful children.
No, I am not okay with where I am, but if I am to heal from this, then I must acknowledge my current path. I have been in denial for so very long, that the healing had not begun until now.
Since the divorce, I have made some not so great choices that have added to my pain, but I am going to admit that 'I' made them and move on from it. I saw the danger and didn't 'take refuge'...again I thought that as long as I believed that the best would happen, then indeed it would.
I think we can give ourselves a false sense of hope without realizing it because we just want the best.
So, you may be wondering what those 'dangers' were, and you will continue to wonder. I am trying to be honest in my writings but still remain private. I hope you understand this!
I am choosing to move forward and rely on the Lord to guide my heart toward a peaceful future. I will continue to make mistakes, that is part of needing Him to guide me...but...
"CHEERS" to the future...it is indeed brighter today.
For the last several months, I have been confused and frustrated about why my life turned out like this...If God is really in control, then why couldn't He protect me from myself? I saw the red flags, the warnings, the signs...whatever you want to call them, but "I" chose to ignore them and 'hope' for the best.
"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." Proverbs 27:12
I have never considered myself to be 'simple' but according to the Bible, I am indeed 'simple'. I set out on a path without a clear destination - relying on hope. My hope let me down because it wasn't grounded in truth or faith in the right foundation.
All the planning and preparation will not work unless we set out toward our particular destination. Without realizing it, I was, 8 years ago, setting out to be a single mom of three beautiful children.
No, I am not okay with where I am, but if I am to heal from this, then I must acknowledge my current path. I have been in denial for so very long, that the healing had not begun until now.
Since the divorce, I have made some not so great choices that have added to my pain, but I am going to admit that 'I' made them and move on from it. I saw the danger and didn't 'take refuge'...again I thought that as long as I believed that the best would happen, then indeed it would.
I think we can give ourselves a false sense of hope without realizing it because we just want the best.
So, you may be wondering what those 'dangers' were, and you will continue to wonder. I am trying to be honest in my writings but still remain private. I hope you understand this!
I am choosing to move forward and rely on the Lord to guide my heart toward a peaceful future. I will continue to make mistakes, that is part of needing Him to guide me...but...
"CHEERS" to the future...it is indeed brighter today.
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