new creation...

For the last several weeks, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a Christian. Sadly, through the process of my divorce and making the decision to move on with my life, I have faced the pitiful truth that not all followers of Christ are really in touch with Him. And even sadder, I have let it affect me.
Adding up to many months, I have allowed my heart to drain itself of trust, love and peace. I made the choice to allow the actions and words of others break me. I would rather have sticks and stones than words.
Growing up in the "Bible Belt", I knew the basics of Christianity and faith and accepted Him as my savior at the age of 11, however, I fought letting Him take over my life. I allowed rules and regulations to add up to nothing more than living in the black and white of life. I had not taken grip of grace and passion.
In college, I realized that legalism is a devestating cancer in the life of a Christian. If we allow denominational rules to set our life, and not the direction of Christ, we become nothing more than a common stone thrower. I left school early, because I was pained by the reality of how deep regulations run in the church.
While still on a 'break', I decided to run from truth. Instead of searching for the truth from the only place that sets me free, the Bible, I just walked away. Don't misunderstand me, I didn't walk away from Christ, I didn't walk away from my faith...I just walked away from trying to understand it. It seemed too complicated.
However, if we sit down and try to comprehend the mind of Christ, implosion is the only result. It is too complicated. But I am trying to take a step back and separate Christians from Christ. We, as Christians make things too complicated.
I am tired of trying to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am exhausted at trying to make everyone happy.
All this to say, I am resolving to only make one person happy, and He already loves me just as I am...I step forward to become the person He wants me to be, the mother He designed.
I have made some 'not so great' choices over the last several months and am not proud of myself for it, but out of anger and pain, I opted to allow myself to stop thinking and just 'be'. There are some people that I am never going to make happy, there are some people that think there is always more to be 'done'...
I want nothing more than to be proud of myself and have my kids know that I adore and love them more than anyone else.
I am no longer going to base my understanding of Christ or His love on the lives of 'Christians'. So throw your stones, I am choosing to stand on the rock of salvation and truth. I am a new creation in Christ, the old has gone...so I spread my wings....